Turkish Baths – Let’s Get Weird

 

 On our  second day in Istanbul, Asti and I decided we must bite the bullet and go in for a traditional Turkish bath, called a Hammam. 

It was so hot, in all respects.  

For 100 TL (about 25 pounds, or 50 NZD), we were melted, bathed, scrubbed, shampooed, pummelled, massaged, slapped, poked, oiled, clayed and fed Turkish apple tea for two hours of our day. We could have stayed longer, but we couldn’t handle the heat.

We found a traditional Hammam, 300 years old on the corner of our favourite street, and it looked a bit dodgy from the outside but once we were inside we met a NZ couple who recommended it. They were gleaming with perspiration and had a slightly dazed look in their eyes, but you can always trust a fellow kiwi.

We were given sexy Turkish towels and plastic slippers to change into, and unsure whether we were to keep our knickers on, we took them off… A dubious choice, but obviously we wanted the AUTHENTIC experience. 

I didn’t take any photos of the baths, because it was wet in there and because I was naked. 

  

Stage one: Lie face down in your towel on a large heated slab of marble in a room of 40-50 degree heat. This is because they “want you to sweat, ladies”… We shared the room with a a small yet rotund Turkish man who sat in a pool of water in the corner and had his body parts lathered in foam by a bath boy. He wore a modest flap over his man bits, but he might as well not have. The bath boy then turned his attention to us and threw bowls of cold water over us, because he could probably see our levels of sweaty discomfort. Our towels stuck to our bodies and the little man in the corner giggled and muttered things in Turkish that we could not and did not want to understand. 

Next we were taken into the scrub and lather room! Oh my. Levels of sweaty discomfort came to an all time high as my washer woman entered, stark naked apart from a scanty underpant, her ample motherly bosom and gut direct in my eyeline at most times. She had no shame, and I respect her for that. She whipped off my towel, said something in Turkish to Asti’s washer woman ( we were all sharing a cubicle) and gestured vaguely to my body. I can only assume she was saying “my my, never have I ever seen such a shapely, yet toned, figure in all my years of scrubbing naked ladies”… We’ll go with that. 

She slapped the marble bench and barked “face down!”, pouring bowls of water all over me as I try not inhale when the water gets to my nose. Her exfoliating mitts were thorough and unforgiving, and I did almost kick her in the face when she started on my little toes. Every time she wanted me to turn over (a very dignified, supple movement when you are soaking wet, butt naked and covered in slippery foam), she would slap me on the rump and cry “TURN!”.

I was enjoying it,in the way that one enjoys any situation in which you cannot control anything, therefore you must forget all worries and let yourself be led. Asti and I were squirming with the giggles trying not to stare at anyone’s naked bits, which were very hard to avoid. Naked bits everywhere, I tell you! She she sat me up to scrub my arms I giggled and attempted to bond with her.

 “hahaha! I’m so dirty!” 

“…..yes, you dirty. TURN!”

She popped me on the ground where I hunched, knees close to my chest, as she firmly kneaded my skull and doused me in more water.

Next we were wrapped in robes and taken into the main room, given apple tea and engaged in conversation with the owner who liked to sit and chat to us semi naked, rosy-cheeked, heathy glowing women. He has a good job.

Our massage was next, and I was a little apprehensive. Somebody told me that they beat you with olive branches,  but thankfully there was no beating. She lubed me up with some kind of oil, and made a comment about my calves… ” so MUSCULAR, so fine”. Im pretty sure that’s what she said.. I was a little uncomfortable that she left my side of the curtain open as she chatted with the men in the reception… Hello, I’m nakey here! But I suppose it is all normal and acceptable in their culture, so I must simply resign myself to a little discomfort. As she folded the towel to work on the other leg, she would tuck it into my bottom crevice, which was a fun and interesting sensation that I wasn’t prepared for. It was a very good massage and she even put clay on my face, having asked me at a weak moment whether I would like a face mask for ten lira. 

I emerged feeling a new woman, having scraped off three layers of skin and the remainder of any summer tan, and I think she may have removed my dignity as well. I glowed, and minced down the street in my poncho, waving to passers by and remarking on the fine weather and handsome buildings.

It’s an intimate experience, and one that I will not forget in a hurry.

 There are some images ingrained into my mind that I could not forget if I tried….

   

 

Sexual Bread

Bread and Sexual. Two words that maybe don’t go super well together? You’ll see.

This recipe has been doing the rounds on the blogosphere, originally from a blog called My New Roots. Some might call it a viral bread, but that doesn’t sound too tasty so I’ll call it sexual. I am shamelessly taking it and sharing with my followers because I think you all deserve to know that bread can be healthful and also delicious (and pretty easy, which is kind of my priority when it comes to baking.)

Its vegan, gluten free, dairy free, flour free,preservative free, free free etc etc. Its very good for digestion, and the thing I like about is that most of the ingredients you can mix and match depending on what you have in your cupboard or what you do and don’t like.

Psyllium husks are the magical ingredient, binding everything together, and they have an amazing effect on the old digestion, by binding everything in your digestive tract together and sweeping it on out your bum hole, like an internal caretaker! Its good for eliminating toxins and if you’re backed up, it gets things moving.

The best thing is that its really cheap, which is pretty important, because sometimes these things can be a bit pricey. Nobody got time for that. Initially to buy all the ingredients (most of them you probably have at home) its a little investment, but you only use a handful or two of everything per loaf, so it lasts ages. I think per loaf mine costs about 4 or 5 dollars, which is no more than a loaf in the supermarket, and is way more nutrient dense and filling!

This recipe has no flour, gluten free or otherwise, which is wonderful, because most commercial flours have been over-processed and stripped of all their fibre-y goodness.

Everything in this sexual loaf is soaked for easy digestion and assimilation, so your wee bod doesn’t have to work too hard. It already does enough, amiright?

The Life-Changing Loaf of Bread
Makes 1 loaf
Ingredients:
1 cup / 135g sunflower seeds
½ cup / 90g flax seeds (linseeds)
½ cup / 65g hazelnuts or almonds
1 ½ cups / 145g rolled oats (use gluten free if thats better for you)
2 Tbsp. chia seeds
4 Tbsp. psyllium seed husks (3 Tbsp. if using psyllium husk powder)
1 tsp. fine grain sea salt (add ½ tsp. if using coarse salt)
1 Tbsp. maple syrup (for sugar-free diets, use a pinch of stevia)
3 Tbsp. melted coconut oil
1 ½ cups / 350ml water

Directions:
1. In a flexible, silicon loaf pan combine all dry ingredients, stirring well. Whisk maple syrup, oil and water together in a measuring cup. Add this to the dry ingredients and mix very well until everything is completely soaked and dough becomes very thick (if the dough is too thick to stir, add one or two teaspoons of water until the dough is manageable). Smooth out the top with the back of a spoon. Let sit out on the counter for at least 2 hours, or all day or overnight. To ensure the dough is ready, it should retain its shape even when you pull the sides of the loaf pan away from it it.
2. Preheat oven to 350°F / 175°C.
3. Place loaf pan in the oven on the middle rack, and bake for 20 minutes. Remove bread from loaf pan, place it upside down directly on the rack and bake for another 30-40 minutes. Bread is done when it sounds hollow when tapped. Let cool completely before slicing (difficult, but important).
4. Store bread in a tightly sealed container for up to five days. Freezes well too – slice before freezing for quick and easy toast!

When I make mine, I use honey rather than maple syrup, and sometimes I use quinoa flakes, which absorb a bit more water, so make sure you adapt the ratio as needed. Sometimes I add a little extra salt.

This is how my first loaf turned out, I felt quite pleased with myself.

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Enjoy!

Mossy Bum

Ohhh boy, the weather in France has taken a turn for the chilly. My body is a bit confused, after spending a month in the glorious heat of Spain then reverting to winter weather. Thunderstorms, hail, rain, cold nights… But it’s secretly kind of nice, because it means we can LIGHT THE FIRE. And I love a good fireplace.

I have taken to wearing 70 percent of my wardrobe to bed, leaving 30 percent of my clothing for daytime usage. Needless to say, there’s not a lot of variety going on. Basically I just wear yoga clothes, a chunky jumper and some borrowed gumboots (or should I say, Wellington boots). But we watched a Ted Talk last night and the man giving the talk sagely noted that if all we do is follow fashion, we will never catch up with it, so we might as well not bother…..Right?

As I’m writing this I’m sitting by the fire in our little wooden chalèt, drinking some hand picked mint tea. We have had to do our yoga indoors for the past two days, because it is so gosh darn cold out. Basically, I’ve been doing a lot of baking and indoor work, like cleaning the gités, shifting books, helping with meals.

Over the weekend, whilst housesitting for the family while they were in Holland, Izzy and I made a delightful array of natural cosmetics, some practical, some not so much. Our toothpaste turned out a little funky, and Izzy is convinced it’s making her teeth go brown, which is sort of the opposite of what we were hoping to achieve. Our lip balm is a little bit solid, probably because the standard room temperature at the moment is much lower than average. Therefore the coconut oil is like rock.

We washed our hair with baking soda, made a nettle tonic (to promote hair growth and thickness), then conditioned with Apple cider vinegar. It actually worked really well in my hair, and is a whole lot cheaper than buying real shampoo. Apparently you have about two good hair days in the space of six weeks when you start doing this, after which your hair is MAGNIFICENT. Eyes on the prize Rosie, eyes on the prize. I feel a bit weird doing it, because I quite enjoy that lather effect that you get from shampooing your hair. With baking soda and water, you just kind of mush it around your scalp. It will take some getting used to. I added some essential oils to my nettle tonic to make it smell better. Because nettles don’t really smell that sexy.

We did naked yoga. Naked. I’m just gonna leave that sentence there. Take what you want from it….

I love this place, it’s like a haven of information and terrible jokes and shouting in Dutch and accordion playing and naughty escaping ponies. I love it when Ron makes a joke in English and laughs for a good five minutes at his own wit. Yesterday, when Izzy and I were moving shelves, he cried from the other side of the room “Easy does it! Oh! Oh! ……IZZY does it! Haha! Ha!” That man is hilarious. I love how Mariken calls asparagus ‘Aspergers’ and nutrients ‘nutritions’. I love how Igor farts so much that nobody even says anything anymore. He just lets one rip and everyone continues around him.

Izzy leaves tomorrow, after which it will just be me in my little wooden cabin, doing my strange breathy meditation all alone and sipping tea for one. I will miss the delightful outbursts of song and enthusiasm that happen whenever Izzy is in the room. She is like an excitable child who buzzes around doing a million things at once and is so inspired by everything and everyone, then exhausts herself and has to lie down for a while. Her enthusiasm is contagious, her art is amazing, I will miss that little chipmunk! She is so remarkably comfortable with being naked. Today we went for a walk in the forest, took off all our clothes, climbed a tree that hung over the river, and meditated… Oh what a sentence that is. Very nice indeed, aside from the extremely mossy bum.

Here are some pics of our weekend of housesitting and our very potent wheatgrass juice from our half day juice detox (we got hungry at lunchtime and there were pancakes, need I say more…). As Mariken says, there’s no point in juicing when it’s cold and you feel deprived. It will make you unhappy, and you want to feel happy. Wise words from a wise woman.

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Shots!
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Izzy, unimpressed
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Buckwheat pancakes, red cabbage coleslaw, dal
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Izzy and feast
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Eat the rainbow

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Raw vegan lasagne

It’s all fun and games, until someone gets enlightened

Tis my fourth and final week in this bizarre, mind boggling place. On a regular basis I do wonder how I got here and what made me stay once I was here. It’s incredibly hard coming straight into someone’s life and having to conform to how they have lived for so many years, including how they wash the dishes and what they eat for dinner every day. But you have to respect that it is their home, and you are a visitor. Still, I have to bite my tongue on a regular basis, and most of the spiritual and religious stuff here would be enough to make a lot of people run away, fast. This is what my friends and family thought;

‘The challenging things are always the most rewarding’,

‘Stick at it for a few days and see how you go’,

‘Go to the shop and buy a stash of chocolate and eat it when no-ones looking’,

And mostly; ‘Get the f**k out of there, it sounds like a nut house and I don’t want you to turn into an alternative living vegan freak who smells like vegetables all the time. I won’t go places with you any more.’

You guys got my back. But at the end of the day, I knew I would stay. Even when I felt a violent urge to run away. Even when I started looking closely at the pictures on the walls, posters stating ‘UFO’s: Why Are They Here?’ and the such. It’s quite alarming when you come out of your room in the morning, dazed from sleep, and are abruptly confronted with an image of the guru, staring directly at you, asking you why you weren’t up at 6 that morning to honour him? Sorry dude, you don’t scare me. Its especially hard to resist the urge to run away when your host openly weeps in front of you the day after you arrive, dropping to her knees to tap her chest and release emotion from the heart chakra.

People around me being so open about their emotions really freaks me out. I don’t know why, but I just want them to shut up and tell me they are fine. You know when you ask someone how they’re doing? Normal people might say, ‘yeah, not bad!’, or ‘I’m fine, how are you?’

Not in this house. Oh no. You’ll think twice before asking around here. Picture this: 7.30am, you nip out of your room to the bathroom. You run into a skinny woman with wild eyes, wearing small boy’s flannelette pyjamas and carrying a tray of wheatgrass. You say, ‘How did you sleep’?

WELL! WELL! I COULDN’T SLEEP UNTIL ABOUT 2AM BECAUSE I HAD A LOT OF VIBRATIONS AFTER THAT FILM WE WATCHED LAST NIGHT ABOUT THAT MAN WHO DESERTED ALL HIS MATERIAL POSSESSIONS AND WENT OFF THE GRID AND THEN DIED IN A CARAVAN! I MEAN, I REALLY HAD TO SIT ON THE GROUND AND RELEASE ALL OF MY BLOCKS! YOU KNOW? OH AND THAT REMINDS ME, HAVE YOU THOUGHT ANY MORE ABOUT THAT OTHER THING? AND THAT OTHER THING? AND COULD YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU GET A MINUTE?

Ommmmmm.

After a while, I realised I had to use this place as a lesson. A lesson in how not to be. I’m not saying its bad to talk about how you feel – am definitely learning to stand up for myself and say what’s on my mind every now and then. Which is a big deal for me! In general I like to avoid all confrontation.

I’m just saying that for somebody who has dedicated a lifetime to health and reaching a level of ‘higher consciousness’, she does not seem to be a happy, focussed or balanced person.

All due credit to her for the work she does, and her passion for helping people, because I have learnt so much about health whilst working here, and it is pretty awesome to have that knowledge. But I do think you can take it all a bit too far.. There comes a time when you have to ask yourself, am I making myself happy by doing liver flush every morning instead of a nice cup of tea? Am I really so toxic that I need to detoxify all day every day? How many blocks can one person truly have? What am I going to do when I reach this higher consciousness? Do I just keep on going, up and up, until I’m in the clouds? Where does actual LIVING come into it?

I’m going to take away from here all that I’ve learnt about yoga, how to cook green vegetables in many versatile, exciting ways, and how to be selective in a world full of overwhelming information on health and nutrition.

Also I am going to take my enema kit.

Haha! Joking. Kinda.

What can I say, weird is contagious.

Kayla getting her weird on

Rehab.

Whoooeeeeeee.

I didn’t do an update yesterday on my progress because I couldn’t really move my body, let alone my brain. Life was hard yesterday.

Day Two was definitely the hardest day, I was feeling completely exhausted, shakey and nauseous. All of the toxins from 6 months of partying around Europe and Christmas shandies seemed to be coming out in my lovely face, which is not sexy. I had a good sleep for about two hours after the morning Sadhana, and missed the disgusting clay drink (thank the Lordy).

Probably the high point of my day was experiencing my first coffee enema. I say this sarcastically. I told my mother I was going to bite the bullet and do one, because it is apparently an important part of the detox program. She said; “OK, so long as you don’t talk about it on your blog..”

Sorry mum, just briefly, ITS VERY ODD. Mostly because as I was trying to relax and stare nowhere but the ceiling, a certain someone came into the room next to me and began loudly feeding the cat; “Here, puss puss puss! Come and get it!”.

There are no words.

Moving on from that enriching experience…. I have been consuming Liver Flush, Clay Milkshake, Green Shit (my name for wheatgrass, ginger, courgette, cucumber, and POTENT celery) with some minerals every morning. Then a large amount of salad for luncheon, perhaps with some sprouted nuts and home made hummus as a companion. Then in the afternoon another Clay Milkshake, more yoga and then a light dinner of soup and salad. So exciting.

Today’s dawn rising was not so bad, probably because I knew I would never have to do it again, ever. I even began to know some of the chanty words and belted out the tunes with the best of them. I think they were all slightly stunned that I was actually sitting upright, let alone participating in the chants. I quite enjoyed the yoga itself. The hardest Kriya was on Day Two, because between every exercise we had to lie down and do a short relaxation, then get up again and get physical. Apparently it was a Kriya for bowel health, as if we needed any more impacting on that area. Every time I began to relax and slide into happy sleepy sheepskin land, we were told to stand up again. It was essentially sleep torture.

So now it is Sunday night, Kayla and I did a yoga class this evening and then a laughter meditation. If you haven’t ever done this and feel like you need to release some tension… It’s the best thing. The Chopra Center does an online meditation course called 8 Weeks to Happiness, and on the last week they do a laughter meditation. For the first 5 minutes you listen to a group of people laughing manically, which made me laugh because it was so weird, so then Kayla started laughing at me laughing, then I started laughing at her weeping, then we both just lost it thinking about all the weird shit we’ve dealt with in the last three days. This place…. Sheesh.

I also am getting much better at my headstands! Today I managed to lift my legs slowly up without having to throw them at the wall to get them up. Then I balanced there for a while with no support. Must be all the weird sucky sucky abdominal exercises we’ve been doing in Kundalini.

Tomorrow I have a day off and am hopefully going hiking somewhere, weather dependent. To be honest I will probably just go regardless, gotta get out of the crazy house. I don’t think I’ve left the building for about 4 days, I am so pale I could be an axolotl. So cute.

I’m off to bed to sleep this weekend off, like a bad bad dream.

P.s. Today Katherine wore floral jeans, a Golden Fleece, a pink scarf wrapped around her midriff, and a white hat with two pom poms that make her shadow look like a baby teddy bear. She crazy, but she got style….

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Detox Day One: Semi-Conscious, Fully-Hungry

‘Twas a dark and stormy night, and tensions were mounting in the household as we all prepared mentally and physically for the weekend ahead. Mungbeans were a-sprouting, nuts were a-soaking, kale was a-waiting to be eaten, shivering in the corner, crying “not my whole family!”, as we sliced and diced kale’s Uncle Cabbage. A vegetable rampage of sorts.

I was feeling excited, nervous, apprehensive, mostly at the thought of getting up at 4.30am to sit on a sheepskin and chant surrounded by people dressed in white. Apparently wearing white doubles the size of your aura! Fun fact of the day.

I didn’t put much thought into what we would be eating, because I assumed it couldn’t get too much healthier than what we were already eating on a daily basis. Right?

Wrong.

I’ll give you a wee run down on my morning, you guys are gonna be so jealous of all my activities. It’s like I’m back in play school, working with clay and painting rainbows. Except it’s not.

4:41am: awoken by Kayla’s freakishly cheerful face, pronouncing she is going to take a cold shower to really get involved! I promptly fall back to sleep.

4:45am: actual alarm goes off, i weep a little inside. I’m a 7.30am kind of girl, for those of you who don’t know me. This feels like the middle of the night.

5:01am: stumble upstairs to yoga sanctuary, wrap pink blankets around myself and huddle on a sheepskin. Begin chanting (and by chanting I mean bobbing my head and humming softly to the tune of others chanting).

5:30am: complete chanting, begin Kriya. Popping and locking my stomach muscles like it’s my JOB. Feeling strong and powerful.

5.45am: popping and locking still, growing tired, muscles becoming floppy.

6:15am: FAAAAAAH are we done yet?

6:30am: complete Kriya, begin singing. Don’t know what I’m singing, but I’m sure I sound beautiful. Probably some subliminal messaging weaving it’s way in with every line.

7:00am: EVERYBODY SHUT UP CAN’T YOU SEE I’M TRYING TO SLEEP OVER HERE?

7:30am finish singing. Energy restored from tactical mid-song nap. Head downstairs for Liver Flush, favourite time of day that.

9:00am I mix together gelatinous bentonite clay and psyllium husk with water until it’s gloopy and looks like what one would imagine elephant snot to look like. Down it in one, tis the only way. I chase with yogi tea, do not allow my taste buds to become active for a good 45 seconds post-chug. I pretend it is the vessel in a drinking game, and also pretend I am very drunk and cannot taste anything.

9:30am: force stems of organic celery, courgette and cucumber into rustic juicer machine, the machine becomes constipated with fibre and have to unblock. Perhaps a sign of things to come. I was quite looking forward to drinking my green juice, thinking it would be fruity and jazzy. I take an enormous sip with great gumption (and hunger). No. NO. That’s bad.

10am: Sleep in a dreamy, mildly sweaty state. Body is being very quiet, i sense it is the calm before the storm.

12pm: Could smash a pie!

More yoga soon, then a POTATO! I’m so excited!!!

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So fresh and so clean

Just when I thought it couldn’t get much more intense…… It got much more intense.

Today Kayla and I were asked if we would like to participate in the 3 day Kundalini Yoga Raw Cleanse this weekend. That’s a pretty full on combination of things to throw at me before 9.30 in the morning.

Whilst we have been eating a really healthy, whole foods plant based diet, we haven’t been doing the full on raw cleanse, so I was pretty excited to be given the opportunity. People that come here to participate pay around £400 for the weekend, and we get to do it for free! I think it’s because there is one lady coming and they don’t want her to feel awkward doing it all by herself in the low season. So basically I am rent-a-crowd.

So I cried ‘Hell yeah! Sign me up!’, not fully grasping the kind of commitment I was making.. We were then given a detailed run-down of what each day would entail;

4:30 TAKE A COLD SHOWER

5-7:30AM​ AQUARIAN SADHANA

7:30AM ​LIVER FLUSH (Whole citrus, organic extra virgin olive oil, chilli, ginger and garlic)

9:00AM ​ABSORBER/SHAKE (Bentonite clay and psyllium)

10:00AM ​GREEN JUICE

10:30AM ​LOCAL WALK OR REST TIME

12:30PM ​RAW LUNCH PREP

1:00PM ​RAW OR VEGETARIAN LUNCH

2:00PM ​FREE TIME

4:00PM ​ABSORBER/SHAKE

4:30 – 6PM ​KRIYA AND MEDITATION

7:00PM ​DINNER: JUICE/RAW OR COOKED VEGETARIAN/VEGAN OPTIONS

8:00PM ​CHANTING/MUSIC, FILM OR RELAXATION

Golly! So much fun packed into one day! An Aquarian Sadhana is a combination of meditation, Kriyas and chanting. A Kriya is a set of yoga exercises, kind of like those super hard dizzy ones I described in my previous post. The cold shower is apparently optional, I feel like I will just be rolling out of bed and up to the yoga sanctuary at 5 to 5.

And on top of that, we have been asked if we would like to do enemas to assist with the detoxification process…

Ew. Giggle.

Starting Friday, I’m gonna be one HANGRY female.

Another fun sexy day in the life! I changed my blog tag-line from “in search of the good life” to “in search of tales worth telling”, because I feel like so far this probably isn’t the GOOD life, but it’s definitely worth telling people about. So that they can send me care packages. Yusssss thanks mum for the 70% Lindt chocolate I got in the mail today. Kisses.

Wish me luck!

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It’s so awkward, it’s almost fun

It’s been another eventful weekend in the nuthouse. I had a VERY ROMANTIC Valentine’s evening watching a movie about an alien lady who lives on earth and can travel and read your mind. (I faked a phone call and ran away after about 20 minutes, and that was a long 20 minutes..)

On Saturday Kayla and I had a day off together so we decided to go on an adventure. We realized that, actually, the weather wasn’t terrible (meaning just a light drizzle), so we packed some nutritious fruits and ventured out into the wild, heading for Ilfracombe which is about 7 miles away.

BOOM hail storm. Soaked for the rest of the day.

We soldiered on, because we are strong like oxen.

Here are some pictures:

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We got to Ilfracombe, about two and a half hours later, smashed some jacket potatoes in a small vegetarian cafe and I read my book titled “A Guide to Naturopathy”. It was pretty cute.

Went to the charity shop, bought matching jumpers for £2.50, rejoiced at the warmth of an old man’s woollens then went to the health food shop and stared at the shelves for about half an hour. I realised I couldn’t justify spending any money on carob ginger, and decided I really didn’t want that anyway… If I’m going to eat chocolate it’s gonna be actual chocolate, DELICIOUS MILKY SLABS.

We then decided, having spent so much money on potatoes and things, (like 5 pounds but that’s so much in my mind), we would hitchhike home! Kayla had never hitchhiked before so it was all exciting. We trooped to the outskirts of town, stood in a lay by and waited. And waited. And….waited.

I think I probably looked a bit scary because I had so many layers on at that point, and also a large black hat that almost completely covered my face, so in hindsight I can see why no one was picking us up. Three cars pulled over, and every time we rejoiced and began walking towards them they would pull out, turn around and go back the other way. It was so mean of them, teasing like that.

We were about to start walking to find a bus stop (getting late in the day at this point), I said, “Let’s give it 2 more lucky minutes!!”, and a nice young sir picked us up. A kind local lad, not afraid of the crazy hobo ladies on the side of the road, said he would take us where we needed to go! The kindness of strangers.

In other news, today I had a fun experience. And by fun I mean SO AWKWARD I wanted to run away.

The lady of the house asked me to do some typing on the website for her, I was all like “Yeah sure I’m super speedy at the typing no probs mate!”…

She says “ok great, I’ll start this section off for you”, as she types “Jesus comes again….”

I say oh! Oh! Ok! Sure! I am so weak and I avoid confrontation at all costs. As anyone who knows me well will know. The stuff she had me typing was about how a man went up the mountain and was guided by a voice and a shadow, and then he saw Jesus pop out of a UFO and they had a chat and he fired some holy energy into his body with a wand…. And stuff.

So as I typed away, I realised that NO I DON’T WANT TO.

After lunch she asked me how I was getting on, and after a conversation we had earlier in the week about being open with our feelings (yuck) I said, well actually, I feel quite uncomfortable doing it to be honest. It makes me feel weird. I no like. I no do.

Rosie 1, crazy lady 0. I feel EMPOWERED, SISTERS!

Then I went for a run to clear my mind of the strangeness and E.T. by Katy Perry came onto my iPod.

The UFO Jesus is sending me signs…. Over to the dark side.

Just kidding guys! I’m still here! Haha!

Nutter.

Today I had a weak moment, and turned to comfort in the form of chocolate. But it wasn’t even normal, dairy milk chocolate. It was dark chocolate covered NUTS! As if I don’t have enough nuts in my life right now.

I probably had a weak moment because it’s Valentine’s Day and I was so overwhelmed with all of the flowers and things that I received. Yeah, that was it.

So Kayla and I took a trip to the local shop, purchased one small bag of chocolate covered nuts and ate them whilst discussing how they didn’t even taste that good, and we probably would have preferred to have dates. As in the dried fruit. Or actual dates with men, that would have been acceptable.

I did meet a nice young man on the street the other day, but I think in hindsight I only liked him because he was holding two cups of coffee, and I thought maybe if we got chatting he would give me one of them…..

Let’s just say the men of Combe Martin aren’t too forthcoming with the romance. I think most of them probably have bad backs and poor hearing, which is no good to me.

Despite a slight detox wobble, today started off very well! We arose early for a hike up the mountain (yes, the love mountain), and walked for a good hour uphill until we came across a gypsy van overturned in a field from the wind. We then realised it wasn’t going to be much fun up on the mountain in gale force winds and hail, so we made the executive decision to head back home for a cup of tea. It was wet and wild, and not in an attractive way.

Disclaimer: that is not my jacket, it was like wearing a big white blanket of hugs and I loved it but it wasn’t sexy, I know this. Maybe I don’t have a Valentine because these are the clothes I choose to wear? Nah.

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Tonight it’s film night! We are apparently watching a film about a woman who has discovered her life purpose is to raise the earths vibrations.

I’ll keep you posted on that one…

Hope your Valentines Day was a bit more sexy than mine!

My new favourite thing.

Guess what? It’s food related. Yup.

Today I made gluten free, sugar free, dairy free if you don’t count eggs, banana bread! Wowzer!

I know what you’re thinking, what the shit is in it then? Because I am so generous I’m going to share with you.

1 oz raisins
1/2 c warm water
5 ripe bananas
2 cups gluten free flour blend
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp sea salt
3/4 cup olive oil
2 eggs
1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1. Soak raisins in the water (preferably overnight but I was too impatient)
2. Process the bananas and raisins together in blender
3. In bowl, combine flour, baking soda and salt
4. In large bowl beat together oil, eggs and vanilla
5. Add banana purée to the liquid mixture
6. Stir in dry ingredients (don’t overdo the mixing)

Bake in a wee loaf tin at 180 degrees for 45-60 minutes.

We also made a loaf with spelt flour, which didn’t need quite so much oil. Gluten free baking can be quite dry so you want to up the moist ingredients. I hate the word moist but it was the only one that would do in this situation. Sorry.

In other news, today there has been much hail in Combe Martin. All the Martians came out to play. Kayla and I realised that we hadn’t been outside in about 3 days so we rugged up, approximately 7 layers of clothing, and weathered the storm for a walk to the beach. I darn nearly got beached by a gigantic demon wave while Kayla stood bravely at the waters edge, until she realised her gumboots were leaking then she too ran for cover. We clambered up through the ‘doggy exercise’ zone, realised it was a dead end and had to hop a fence, fell in some bushes, nearly ripped my pants, stood on the cliff and felt philosophical for a while until I realised I was freezing.

Went home and ate some green things, followed by banana bread. Everything’s better when followed by banana bread.

Here’s a pic of my green juice this morning, it isn’t really anything to do with my blog post today but I just want to show you all how tasty my breakfast is.

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Tomorrow is my day off, time to PAAARRTAAAYYYY!! Or just take a bath with lavender essential oils. Either one.